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Grief and Divorce



Why is the pain of divorce like the pain of grief from a death?


Divorce and the grief from a death both involve the loss of a significant relationship, and the pain associated with that loss can be similar. Both experiences can involve feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and loneliness. Additionally, both divorce and the grief from a death can involve a sense of mourning for what was lost and a need to adjust to a new reality. The process of healing and moving on can also be similar in both cases.


What are the stages of grief and can they be applied to divorce?


The stages of grief were first proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying." The five stages she identified are:

  1. Denial: This is a defense mechanism that allows a person to come to terms with the reality of the loss. It can manifest as disbelief or a refusal to accept the reality of the situation.

  2. Anger: As the reality of the loss sinks in, a person may experience feelings of anger and resentment. They may blame themselves or others for the loss.

  3. Bargaining: In this stage, a person may try to negotiate with a higher power or make deals in an attempt to reverse or lessen the impact of the loss.

  4. Depression: As the person begins to accept the reality of the loss, they may feel sadness, hopelessness, and despair.

  5. Acceptance: In the final stage, a person comes to accept the loss and begins to move forward. They may find a way to incorporate the memory of the person or thing that was lost into their life in a positive way.

It's important to note that not everyone goes through these stages in a linear or predictable way and some people may experience some stages more intensely than others. Furthermore, it's also worth mentioning that some researchers have criticized the model as being overly simplistic and not applicable to everyone.


The stages of grief were originally proposed in the context of dealing with death, but the model has been applied to other types of loss as well, including divorce. Just like death, divorce is a significant loss that can bring about feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and loneliness. The stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance may also be present in the process of coping with the end of a marriage.


What are some tips to get through the stages of grief?


Getting through the stages of grief can be a difficult and individual process, and what works for one person may not work for another. That being said, here are some general strategies that may be helpful:

  1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It's important to acknowledge and accept your feelings, rather than trying to suppress or ignore them.

  2. Seek support: Talking to a therapist, counselor, or support group can help you process your feelings and cope with the loss.

  3. Take care of yourself: Grief can take a physical and emotional toll, so it's important to take care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in physical activity.

  4. Give yourself time: Grief is not a process that can be rushed, so be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to heal.

  5. Find healthy ways to cope: Engage in activities that you enjoy, find ways to relax and de-stress, and try to maintain a sense of normalcy.

  6. Create a memorial: Creating a memorial to the person or thing you lost can be a way to honor their memory and find closure.

  7. Seek professional help if needed: If your grief is overwhelming and impacting your daily life, don't hesitate to seek professional help.

It's worth noting that grief can be different for everyone, and some people may need more help than others to get through the process. Additionally, what works for one person may not work for another, so it's important to find what works best for you.



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