The first time I experienced True Grief was when I lost my brother ( cousin but he was more than a cousin) and the second when I lost my father. My brother passed away unexpectedly at 24 years of age and my father passed away at the age of 72. Both of these losses shook me to my core. I lost them so suddenly.
I don't think we can ever prepare for death. It is one of those things about life that we all share. You are born, then you do stuff and then you die.
We all have to experience losing a loved one and we all have to feel the pain of losing them. Death and Grief make you question your faith and your purpose.
In an instant, life changes forever. Death is impossible to understand.
As a woman of science, I want to believe there is a reason for everything but when someone dies there is so much unknown. I remember after losing my brother, trying to research and figure out where “the soul goes.” I wanted to know how a person becomes a body. I guess I wanted to connect and believe the soul lives forever and I was going to meet my loved ones again. This was my way of grieving. Maybe this was the stage of grief that is called Bargaining. What is Grief?
What is Grief?
Grief is the deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death. I would like to expand, You can Grieve a life you thought you had, a job, a friendship, or something/someone of value. Grief is the natural reaction to loss.
What are the stages of grief?
Mary Kubler Ross described grief in stages. We often use the pneumonic DABDA to remember the stages.
Denial: “ This is not happening”
Anger: To feel frustrated or angry towards the loss. This may be directed to yourself, the person or thing you lose, or even a spiritual belief.
Bargaining: “If Only…” or “ What if…”
Depression: This is feeling hopeless, helpless, and even guilty. Crying, insomnia, or even a decrease in appetite.
Acceptance: This is when you accept the loss and start to move forward
People go through these stages in no particular order and often will repeat a stage. They can even skip a stage. People process grief differently and in their own way.
How do you know if you need help?
There is no “Normal” time for grief. There is no set timeline. A good deciding factor for when to reach for help is your ability to function. If you are not functioning well or having thoughts of wanting to die or feeling hopeless. If you feel it is a struggle to get up and get yourself motivated every day. You are unable to go to work or do your activities of daily life. It may be time to seek help. There are so many groups that deal with grief and therapists who specialize in grief. You may require medication if your depression is not getting better and you are not able to function.
Please feel free to reach out to us at Gupta Psychiatry and Wellness. We can help. We have been through Grief too and can help you get through a difficult time.